Setting the record straight

I know you'd prefer if I leave this alone.  But I don't like being accused.  So I'm setting these items straight.

Firstly, I recently heard that I might be the one who accused Khairul Anuar of taking drugs to slim down.  It is NOT ME.  To whomever that pundek is who suka hati accused KA and then accused ME of being the one who said KA takes drugs.  Skrew you. Pundek.  If you dare to accuse, you better dare own up.  People who've known me since school will know that if I berani buat, I berani mengaku.  I'm not a bloody fake like you.

Secondly, I saw that I'm being accused of BRAGGING about my triathlons, and hundred km's and being emotional.  Helo? Am I a robot? Just because I am outspoken, so I'm labelled as emotional and suicidal? So be it. BUT I am thoroughly confused as to how is it that I am bragging about my triathlons and my hundred km's.   People who swam with me when I first started, KNOW how hard it was for me to cross over to the deep end, to let go off the rim of the pool and swim back and how I FINALLY got over my fear in swimming.   My timings for triathlons are NOTHING to shout about.  I'm only proud that I finally learnt to swim. At this age.  YES I AM DAMN PROUD OF THAT.

My hundred km's? My first 100 km was 17 hours 38mins. Cut off 18 hours.  My second 100km was 34 hours 41mins.  Cut off 36 hours.  And I'm bragging about those? When I'm just scraping through the cut offs?  Really? I am???  Wow.

To the people who recently found themselves deleted. Yes.  When I crashed, I realised I was supposed to die.  This was also the time I found out who was really a friend and who wasn't.  So my question is why are you still in my list when it's obvious you are not a friend and you're one of those who are happy that I crashed. Why are we being fake to continue being friends? Just delete lah, kan senang?

I thought all this while that I've been writing the truth and I've been very straight.  Apparently the ones who are NOT on my friend list OR friends with me,  seem to find it their place to accuse me of this and that.

You know what? Skrew it.  Why I switched to triathlons after running so much in the first half of the year. Simple. I wanted to try and finish the 100km.  I did.  Then I WANTED THAT FREE TRIP TO UK AND THE CHANCE TO REPRESENT HSBC IN THEIR TRIATHLONS. And I got it.  For the simple fact that I forced myself to learn how to swim, just so I can get there.  I think this is mine.  It's not for YOU to criticise me and accuse me of all sorts of shit.

Hoohathlon.  I only started to really swim laps in June. REALLY swimming laps yeah. I went in Pullman Lake and I almost drowned.  If not for Raymond Tan, I wouldn't have even finished Hoohathlon.  And yet people didn't understand why I cried.  You didn't sink. That's why you didn't understand.

PD Tri.  Again, I didn't know how to make myself go in the sea.  If not for Grace, I wouldn't have finished the whole damn thing. But I managed to. I know I wasn't fair to her. I owe her and Kash for being able to start out in triathlons even.  I don't know when or how can I make it up to them, I'm still looking.

HSBC UK Tri.  My dream. I just wanted that free trip to the triathlons. I didn't know how the heck do I get chosen. I just know I had to try. And I managed to be chosen.  I didn't finish the second lap of the swim.

Desaru Sprint AND Long Distance.  Yes. My fault for not having the courage to battle through the swim in the LD.  I only managed to do it in the Sprint when Paul swam beside me.

Miri Tri.  This time I had Richard Tang to guide me. His only wish for me was simple.  Just to get through the swim on my own with no one beside me. And I did for both OD and Sprint. Just by following his instructions. Swim non stop for 2km without your feet touching the floor of the pool.  Lucky for me,  the pool that we are using in bukit jalil,  does not let you touch the floor for the whole 50m. When you first jump in, it's already 2 meters.  Then it goes to 3 meters  That's how I eventually got used to the notion of my feet not touching the ground or the floor for the whole swim. THIS is thanks to Hafiz and Gin Hai for fighting for our rights to use that pool.  Also thanks to Saiful for being so patient with me being such a slow swimmer.

Sabah Ultra TMBT.  Of course I wasn't ready for it.  But I already paid. So I went. And tried my level best at a shot of finishing it.  Even though I couldn't run for jack shit. And I'm bragging about that?

Powerman. I only scraped through the 5 hour cut off in the last minutes of 4 hours 57 mins.  THIS ONE YES I AM PROUD of finishing it. For the simple fact that I struggled so hard to maintain running and not walk. Cycling is not my forte. But I will make it soon.

I skipped PBIM and there was flooding in Bangkok so I had that week off as a break.

Then I went to Phuket, dumping ALL my money into the registrations, the hotel, the flight, the car rental, EVERYTHING.  Except travel insurance and medical insurance. And then I crashed in the LPT. I never even took my race pack for the IM70.3.  When you put all your eggs in one basket thinking THIS IS IT. You just need to get through this and you're all sort out for the year.  Then  I crashed and couldn't earn both finishings.  I am bragging about that huh? I am damn proud of that huh?

You know what? Skrew it lah.  I am VERY happy to switch from the running only community to the triathlon community.  The really fast and good triathletes seem to keep quiet and just do their thing.  Showtime is during race day.

I am learning to try and be like that.  I don't need to justify my existence.  You may think I am not worthy just because I don't run as fast as you, but really,  isn't running supposed to be for one own's accomplishment? And why is there SO MUCH politics in the running community. Isn't it supposed to be JUST RUN!???  Not anymore I guess. Now it's allllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll politics and popularity.  I want out.  I will run when I have recovered from these injuries.  But I am running to make it in IMWA. I don't need to run to beat anybody.

Just like what Michelle Looi has advised me, it's time to fix my timing in the short distances so I earn more confidence. And then I will work my way up to fix my marathon timings.  I am very very very grateful for Sifu Richard Tang.  I am also grateful for the real friends who are very objective.  My problem with so and so is my problem with so and so. You don't have to make it your problem.  Unless YOU have a problem with me kan? I'm not asking you to take sides.I am very appreciative of the friends who can look at things objectively and NOT take sides. 

Until today I am also very proud of my bootcamp friends even though I have dropped out of bootcamp.  The ones who don't make any noise, they quietly register and the results show themselves on race day. THOSE are real heroes. Don't need to make so much hooha. They are strong. They know it.

If there's one thing I have learnt from all my triathlon attempts, is that THIS is what I really want. I will never make it to Boston. It's not what I want. But I'm going to go all out and try my level best to make it in WA. Just because I cycled and ran, but if I didn't finish the swim, the whole tri is a DNF. That's the painful thing I learnt from HSBC UK. And that's the number one thing that's spurring me on now. To try my best.  And I wait another 29 days before I get the green light to try and run again.  In the meantime?

Adios Pistachios. Just do what YOU want.