When the fat girl tries to go Ultra...

That's me. On 6th February 2010. Just two years ago. On a fateful saturday night. The FIRST time I ever participated in a run.  It was 7.7km in the Putrajaya Night Marathon.  At that time, even 1km felt very far. Just a month prior, I joined the Original Bootcamp Malaysia.  I couldn't even finish WALKING the 1 mile (1.6km) run within 15mins.  I walked it.  And I didn't make the cut.

I was very unhealthy before I tried to turn my life around. I had been smoking 3 packs a day. Drank every week. I developed hypertension. I peaked at 91kg.

Fast forward 2 years later, I had attempted many, many runs, including 8 full marathons within the first half of 2011.  It was part of my "preparation" for Sundown Ultra, Singapore, my very first Ultra Marathon.  The cut off was 18 hours. I made it in 17hours 34mins.

Because I had done too much too soon, I developed some pain in my medial collateral ligament.  So I stopped running marathons,  plus I wanted the chance to do the HSBC UK Triathlon.  For the second half of 2011, I concentrated so much on trying to swim and doing triathlons. I did the Hoohathlon, PD Triathlon, HSBC UK Triathlon, Desaru Long Distance, Desaru Sprint, Miri Olympic, Miri Sprint and finally TRIED to do the Laguna Phuket Triathlon as well as Phuket 70.3 but I suffered a bike crash in the LPT so... Phuket 70.3 was down the drain.

I couldn't exercise for about 2 months after the crash due to the blood clot in my head.  Which makes the last race I did for 2011 the Powerman Malaysia and the Sabah Ultra: TMBT, the week prior in early Nov.

Sabah Ultra TMBT's cut off was 36 hours.  I made it in 34hours 41mins. http://www.cyng-chasingdreams.blogspot.com/2011/11/sabah-ultra-2011-100km-trail-most.html  and http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150341660336765.343507.732086764&type=3&l=ee2e96acc9 Then for some weird reason, I became bolder and registered for the Vibram Hong Kong 100km.  It became my first race for 2012.   I didn't really talk about it to anyone. I know the terrain was tough. I know it was a mixture of sand, earth, steps, tar, abit of gravel and big, big rocks.  Worse, I had no idea how was I going to tackle the cumulative elevation gain of more than 4500m.   Plus the issue that I have lost 2 months of training since the bike crash.  I didn't get clearance from the doctor to do this HK100.  As long as I still had dizziness, I knew he would say no. I tend to get the dizziness when I lie down.  Not when I'm upright.  So I figured, since I can withstand going through the whole night without napping,  I'm going to try it anyway.  The cut off was 32 hours.  If you can do it within 24 hours, you get a special trophy.  I made it in 28hours 47mins.  I didn't get a trophy, I got the hoodie and certificate of participation.  But it doesn't bother me. I'm more than satisfied that I even managed to complete it at all.

By now, I'm sure you've seen many pictures of what HK100 was like.

(http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150543559311765.368857.732086764&type=3&l=585e98e026)   It was indeed hilly and steep.  But the scenery more than makes up for it.  My favourite has got to be this feller.

 Yes. That is one of the participants climbing up. And I followed soon after. I literally jammed for a good few minutes. I was like... how the heck am I supposed to tackle this thing???  We already had to climb many hills before this one.  And this wasn't even the peak yet. This is Needle Hill.  The third highest peak in Hong Kong. I still had to tackle the second highest peak which is Grassy Hill below. But Grassy Hill was tar all the way.

Then finally I needed to tackle Tai Mo Shan.  The highest peak in Hong Kong.  The picture below, is where I needed to get to.

From where I was standing, that looked like a million miles away. It felt really, really far and damn hard to finish.  But I was adamant on TRYING to finish.

You see, I am not a runner. I cannot call myself a runner. I don't run daily. And I definitely cannot sustain running the WHOLE 100km. I spend alot more time swimming since swimming doesn't hurt me so much. (I'm supposed to be more hardworking in cycling, but now that's another planet altogether)

I couldn't train as much as the others in preparing for this HK100.  I sure as hell didn't do a 50km that I'm supposed to, a couple of weeks before this race at least.  I tried to train in FRIM in the first few weeks of February. (This race was Feb 18.) I ran Rover track at the most 5 times in one go, trying to simulate withstanding the pressure of running uphill.  But even 5 times of Rover track and round the loop only gives me 18km.

Yeap. THAT was my mileage in training for this HK100. For like 3 weeks only! I was severely undertrained.

I think the only thing I had was the "experience" of having tackled Sundown Ultra on the road before. And Sabah Ultra on the trails before.  In terms of "nutrition", for Sundown Ultra, I survived on two gels and half a bun. For Sabah Ultra, I ate about 4 gels, 3 perpetuem solids, abit of rice, chicken and vege at checkpoint 5 and 3 buns.  For HK Ultra, I ate 3 gels, 3 buns, 1 cup noodle and 2 perpetuem solids.

In terms of gear, I used three different hydration bags for all three ultras.

From right, it was used in Sundown ultra, it was very slim and I liked it alot. The middle Camelbak is what I used for Sabah ultra, since you need to carry EVERYTHING you want to eat and need (headlamps, batteries, emergency blanket, sauna pants and jacket, gels) It is NOT slim. And it is damn heavy to run in, once you add 2 liters of water and all the stuff you need.  The grey Nathan bag in the leftmost, that seems to be the best hydration bag for me now.  I could fit the necessities for HK ultra in it. And it was alright to run in. Well for the most part, we were lucky they offered alot of food in each support check point.

In terms of shoes, well...

Those are my very first running shoes. The Asics Kayano 16.  It served me in almost all my runs up till Sundown ultra when they killed me after my feet expanded, as well as give me bad ass blisters.  See how narrow the front are.  I threw them away after completing Sundown ultra.

The left pair are the NB Minimus MT10.  Which I have also abandoned after using them in Sabah ultra, as they hurt alot on the gravel.  The right pair are my new North Face Cyprus which I used for HK100.  Which are better on gravel, but they're actually hiking shoes.  So it's not light when running on tar road plus it feels very "keras" (hard).  There is no cushioning as they are vibram soles. Both the NB Minimus MT10 and the North Face Cyprus are vibram soles. I still haven't given up yet on vibrams.

In terms of clothing, I'm sure that is a matter of personal taste, so I don't need to talk about mine here.  

Now. This page is like a double edged sword here. I know I will be attacked for my slow timing (again) and there will be remarks like "Aiyah.... Cynthia so slow and undertrained also can make it,  sure can do wan lah"

Yes. I agree with you that you should train for such a distance. Especially if you want awesome pawsome timing. For this HK ultra, it was ALOT like Climbathon (running up Mount Kinabalu) as there were MANY stairs. And it was hilly.  Sundown ultra was on the road. It isn't hilly as Sabah or Hong Kong is. But when you're using the same muscle group all the time, you tend to get cramps.   Sabah ultra is a whole different terrain altogether, it's definitely NOT like Climbathon (at least to me, it isn't).  That's why I feel it's not a fair comparison to ask me which is harder, Sabah ultra or HK ultra.

In my opinion, Sabah ultra's terrain is alot of gravel and trail.  (which doesn't make pure running easy), it is rough and and it is raw. Especially check point 6 to checkpoint 7. Holy crap. That Miki Loop still scares the shit out of me.  There ARE steep parts of Banjaran Crocker so don't look down on Sabah's terrain, please. 

I feel that if you are the type of runner who loves to tackle the stairmaster,  then you would love HK100.  If you don't like a lot of stairs, then you would enjoy Sabah ultra TMBT.  But really, most importantly, is to keep an open mind and try out as many terrains as you can.

One main thing I have learnt after these three ultras, particularly in Sabah Ultra TMBT and Vibram HK100, is that I need to accept the conditions of the race as they are.  Whether it is hot or cold, steep or flat, tough or easy, it is what it is. And as a wanna-be runner, I need to be able to withstand all these conditions.  Whether there are enough support stations or not,  when it comes to an ultra, you HAVE to be self sufficient.  Stop expecting to get your money's worth. This isn't a McDonald's value meal. And like Raymond Ng told me when I complained why was the ending to TMBT still so hard at the end!!! He said, it is like that, if you don't like it, then don't join. He was so right. Cos the terrain is what it is. It's what the villagers use everyday!

Don't expect so much from the organiser.  HK100 planned alot of food for each station. But it didn't matter to me cos I KNEW,  by the time I arrived, most of the food would be gone. I was lucky there were still some buns left.   In my opinion, HK100 was abit like Sundown Ultra, in terms of "pampering" the participants.  They set up their support stations around toilets.  Promised alot of food, coffee and tea. But really all those kind of things don't matter to me.  I don't utilise them anyway. Learn to be independent. As a runner that's how it should be.  For non-races, you have to be independent during your runs anyway.  Test out your gear. Test what nutrition plan works for you.   

Most importantly, keep an open mind. What I've learnt from more experienced runners like Michelle Looi,  you shouldn't just look at the distance. You need to look at the terrain, the weather, the elevation, muddiness, etc. I may be doing a 100k and you're doing a 50k.  But your 50k may be more "chee kek" (tougher) than my 100k if you need to climb more.  And especially, if you can SUSTAIN running the WHOLE trail distance, I fully respect you. 

And that's why, this year.  Things will be different. You won't see me in alot of races. I will pick and choose. I no longer need to try out everything like I did for 2011.  I will train properly. I will get ready for Ironman Western Australia properly.  I will run 2012's Sabah Ultra TMBT properly.  

Time to get ready, baybeh~!

31... Alive and Kicking...

I turn 31 on Jan 14th. How did that small little girl grow up to be so demented, disturbed, troubled and psychotic?  I can't explain.  What's the point.  I'm usually very excited during this time of the year cos I like birthdays.  But this year.... it's just not the same.  Probably because I'm still injured and feeling very low.  And taking too long to recover. Yuck.

I don't know how old was I in that picture.  Here's another one.

 

 

I don't have many childhood pictures that are still there physically.  Cos one day I went berserk and burnt all my photos.  So much for trying to erase myself.  I'm still here.  Demmit.

 

This picture was from Form 3. I was 15.

I can't remember about this one. I think I should have been 17 by then. I think.

Ahhh... one of the peak stages of my fatness. I don't remember how heavy I was in this picture.  But my heaviest was 91kg.  Just about 3 years ago.

I do miss Jia and Rizal.  Probably cos they were one of the few friends who accepted me when I was so fat.

This was the lowest weight I have ever been since peaking at 91kg.   This was 63.8kg on 25th Nov 2011.  Just a day before I crashed the bike and put on 3 kilos since then cos I can't exercise due to the head injury sustained.

I've always been a slow learner.  It takes me some time to understanding something. Last year was probably the craziest year ever for me. Last year I had the best job in the world.  My boss and teammates were not based here with me. So I took the opportunity and chased 9 full marathons, two 100k's and 9 triathlons,  not including Powerman and other smaller distance running events in between.  I even tried to go up Mount Kinabalu in 3.5 hours for that Climbathon thing.  I've never even been up that mountain on a leisure basis.  I did so much last year, it's really psychotic.  But overall I think I did okay for a fat girl.

But as I turn 31 tomorrow and 2012 just started with me being jobless, hmm... what's in store for this year? I'm aiming for an Ironman Western Australia finish in Dec.  I don't know if I will make it. But I always start out races like this. Now knowing if I will. I just know I will be more satisfied knowing I tried.  Instead of being on the sidelines and wondering if I can.  But then most, if not all,  female metal monkeys are like this. Let's try everything at least once.  Can't find a party? Make your own.

To each one of you who've been so patient as my friend, congrats to you for surviving another crazy year with me!  :D    Hahaha.... Here's to 2012.  I look forward to finding out what else is in store!

What do I do?

A month has passed.  Why do I not feel any better? Why is my head still spinning? Why do I tumble when I'd just woken up? Why does my back, nape of my neck and shoulder ache like hell? Why does my left ankle hurt like hell? Why does my right knee not bend or raise as high as I used to be able to? Why do I always feel tired?  It's already a whole month.

I had to deactivate my facebook.  I don't want to find myself writing how I really feel on facebook.  I don't need anyone to read and comment that I'm making drama.  I would not wish for the same thing to happen to you just so you know how it feels.  But there's already enough fakeness in the cyber world. I'm not going to pretend everything is okay when it's not.  I don't feel like my body is healing at all.

Maybe progress is slow cos I still ran on Patong a few days after crashing just to find out if I can withstand the pain for Ironman70.3.   That's the thing.  I could.  But maybe the drugs that the Thai doctors gave were alot more helpful. I can't seem to get those drugs here. I only got them for 10 days when I first crashed in Phuket and that's it.  Here I was only prescribed meds for my brain recovery.  What about my body???  I calculated again and realised I was actually unconcious for more than 3 hours, not 1 hour. No wonder looters stole from me. He/She thought I had died.

I'm sick of the word REST. I'm not getting any better.  People look at me and think I'm fine. Yes. I look fine. But I'm khayal all the time. When the hell can I swim again? I can't even dance without feeling like I'm going to topple.


I know it's Christmas. I'm supposed to be grateful to be alive. But every time I think about Jodie, I can't help but feel she should be the one in my shoes, and I should be dead.  She has a son.  She deserves to be able to walk and move around.

I don't even know what the hell am I supposed to do now.

No one can understand

You never really heal.  Not for 10 years. Not for 13 more. Not for the physical pain. Not for anything.

Time to move on...

It's Friday, Dec 16th 2011. Wow. Another 2 months and it would have been 8 years to be exact.

I found this picture by accident. I was looking for something in the LPT rules & regulations and found out that hey! I have 6 pictures in their collection even though I DNF-ed the whole thing for crashing in the bike leg.  I am very, very, very, very proud of this picture. This is when I came out of the lake after the sea.

Firstly, I am proud that I survived swimming in the sea albeit it took me like 46 mins to stop zig zagging and get out of the sea route. There were only 6 buoys in the whole sea route and when you turn back, the sun is in your eye. Thereafter I'm proud to have survived the lake, as the total cut off was 1 hour 10mins to finish swimming BOTH the sea and the lake.  I finished both in 1 hour 5mins. Yes. The sun was still in my eye and there were only 3 buoys in the lake. Yes. I am always scraping through. For the record, I wasn't the last swimmer. There were still 10 more bikes left at transition when I counted. Of course my timing for swimming is nothing to others and to you. But it is everything to me. For me, I am damn happy to finish it within the cut off time at all.   And that I swam entirely alone.  From when we transferred from the mainland to the front of the sea, I didn't know anyone in the crowd anymore.  I was entirely alone.  And I made it.  Especially when I never had a chance to swim in the sea and lake to get a 'feel' of the water.  I just jumped in on race day. (Which is a contributing factor to my entire failure in LPT.... but oh well)

Remember,  I only started to learn how to swim when? And start to swim laps when?  I REALLY REALLY REALLY only started to swim laps in June this year. (Hoohathlon Tri attempt in June, PD Tri attempt in July, HSBC UK Tri attempt in Sept, Desaru Tri - LD and Sprint attempts in Sept,  Miri Tri attempts -both Sprint and OD in Oct and Laguna Phuket Tri attempt in Nov.  There was supposed to be an IM70.3 attempt in Dec as well... but .... oh well...)

The first wave to go were the elites and professionals, then the second wave were the err.. other age groupers then I was in the third and last wave. Phew.   I was abit shocked that there were only 6 buoys in the sea.  Makes me feel that the triathlons we do in Malaysia..... WE ARE SO DAMN SPOILT!!!  We have more buoys in the tri's we do here. Therefore anytime I panic, I can catch one.  But in Phuket?  You better know how to sight,  or you'd end up like me,  zig zagging ALL OVER THE PLACE and losing time since I didn't know where the heck was I swimming to.

When I exited the sea, I remember panicking since my sea time was already 46 mins.  I know they said the lake is only 620meters,  but that's if you're swimming straight and on course.  Yours truly was zig zagging in the lake too! There were only 3 buoys for the whole lake! And there were weird plants down there,  the algae and stuff were "catching" my face, my hands, my legs!  I know I didn't swim straight to the arch.  I know I was away from the exit arch.  But when I finally finished swimming,  the feeling was just incredible.  I finally am independent. I made it on my own without anyone. YES!  Sifu Richard Tang's idea of me swimming alone in Miri for both OD and Sprint worked. I no longer fear swimming open water. :D

I am also familiar with Laguna Phuket by now. Having finished the full marathon in June and then attempted the triathlons at the end of the same year. It is really a nice, self contained resort.  Do the Laguna Phuket marathon if you're contemplating.  It is hilly and hot.  But it is worth it.


But what's up with today's date? It's my last physical day with HSBC. I have to leave. I'm not going into details. But damn.  That fateful day was really the last time I got to wear their Tri-suit.  It tore when I crashed in the bike leg.  And since I have resigned, I cannot wear it anymore in competitions.  :(  I really believed in the branding. I was really proud of it. I think we're like the only bank to hold our own triathlons in the UK for the past 4 years.  I knew when I was in UK that I had to go all out, but I still didn't make it in the second lap of the swim. I cycled and ran.  But the feeling is just not the same. If I can save some money, maybe I'd go back to UK next year and finish it this time.  I had the best boss.  The most supportive team mates.  :(  Good things just don't last forever, huh.

Sokaylah.  I did most of the things I wanted to do this year already.... Well.... Most.  Next year is a whole new ball game. 2012!!! Bring it on!!!  nuninuninuninu......

Sepandai-pandainya tupai melumpat, akhirnya jatuh ke tanah juga...

I remember someone saying that, as fast as you rise, you will also crash as fast. I think it's akin to the malay proverb, sepandai-pandainya tupai melumpat, akhirnya jatuh ke tanah juga.  It's been playing alot in my mind in the past few months. When I started the back to back events with the HSBC UK Tri on Sept 18th and the pinnacle was supposed to be the IM70.3 Phuket on Dec 4th, it kinda bugged me, that as fast as I'm rising to be able to do all the things I've only been dreaming or fantasizing about doing, when will everything come to an end?

I fell for the third time today since Phuket.

I scrapped my right knee and right ankle and it's bleeding. I only remember seeing such a thing when Ah Poh lost her balance and she scrapped the wall and her skin just came off, showing her epidermis and she was bleeding. Last saturday when I was out, I forgot about a split level landing, then I lost my balance and fell on my left, spraining my left ankle which was already swollen from Phuket, even further.

Three falls in such a short time.  A friend just told me to check my equilibrium.  Another friend thinks I have vertigo.  The only thing the neurosurgeon explained to me is that the old blood clot is being absorbed and that I will still have the head spinning, losing balance, nausea symptoms because my brain is still misaligned.  I can feel the brain expanding and shrinking as I write this. It's been happening alot. Not just because of the crash. I've been having this for a long time.  Before I went to Phuket, I even had one time where I suddenly broke out in cold sweat, and I knew I had to lie down quick before I faint, then I heard the buzzing sound for a while in my ears, then the cold sweat stopped and I could get up again.  But it only happened once, so I didn't think too much about it.

I'm wondering if the MRI isn't showing more information than it should. I should have asked the doctor which lobe is being affected.  This is too much. Constantly losing balance, constantly having head and vision spinning, constantly forgetting what I just did, or said or supposed to do.  It's too much.  It's like my mind or memory is working in frames. Awhile I remember. Then I forget.  I even slur in my speech. Or mix up words while talking.  The only thing that's still working okay is when I type.  It takes alot of effort to type but I feel more balanced typing than talking.

Please. Stop.

Setting the record straight

I know you'd prefer if I leave this alone.  But I don't like being accused.  So I'm setting these items straight.

Firstly, I recently heard that I might be the one who accused Khairul Anuar of taking drugs to slim down.  It is NOT ME.  To whomever that pundek is who suka hati accused KA and then accused ME of being the one who said KA takes drugs.  Skrew you. Pundek.  If you dare to accuse, you better dare own up.  People who've known me since school will know that if I berani buat, I berani mengaku.  I'm not a bloody fake like you.

Secondly, I saw that I'm being accused of BRAGGING about my triathlons, and hundred km's and being emotional.  Helo? Am I a robot? Just because I am outspoken, so I'm labelled as emotional and suicidal? So be it. BUT I am thoroughly confused as to how is it that I am bragging about my triathlons and my hundred km's.   People who swam with me when I first started, KNOW how hard it was for me to cross over to the deep end, to let go off the rim of the pool and swim back and how I FINALLY got over my fear in swimming.   My timings for triathlons are NOTHING to shout about.  I'm only proud that I finally learnt to swim. At this age.  YES I AM DAMN PROUD OF THAT.

My hundred km's? My first 100 km was 17 hours 38mins. Cut off 18 hours.  My second 100km was 34 hours 41mins.  Cut off 36 hours.  And I'm bragging about those? When I'm just scraping through the cut offs?  Really? I am???  Wow.

To the people who recently found themselves deleted. Yes.  When I crashed, I realised I was supposed to die.  This was also the time I found out who was really a friend and who wasn't.  So my question is why are you still in my list when it's obvious you are not a friend and you're one of those who are happy that I crashed. Why are we being fake to continue being friends? Just delete lah, kan senang?

I thought all this while that I've been writing the truth and I've been very straight.  Apparently the ones who are NOT on my friend list OR friends with me,  seem to find it their place to accuse me of this and that.

You know what? Skrew it.  Why I switched to triathlons after running so much in the first half of the year. Simple. I wanted to try and finish the 100km.  I did.  Then I WANTED THAT FREE TRIP TO UK AND THE CHANCE TO REPRESENT HSBC IN THEIR TRIATHLONS. And I got it.  For the simple fact that I forced myself to learn how to swim, just so I can get there.  I think this is mine.  It's not for YOU to criticise me and accuse me of all sorts of shit.

Hoohathlon.  I only started to really swim laps in June. REALLY swimming laps yeah. I went in Pullman Lake and I almost drowned.  If not for Raymond Tan, I wouldn't have even finished Hoohathlon.  And yet people didn't understand why I cried.  You didn't sink. That's why you didn't understand.

PD Tri.  Again, I didn't know how to make myself go in the sea.  If not for Grace, I wouldn't have finished the whole damn thing. But I managed to. I know I wasn't fair to her. I owe her and Kash for being able to start out in triathlons even.  I don't know when or how can I make it up to them, I'm still looking.

HSBC UK Tri.  My dream. I just wanted that free trip to the triathlons. I didn't know how the heck do I get chosen. I just know I had to try. And I managed to be chosen.  I didn't finish the second lap of the swim.

Desaru Sprint AND Long Distance.  Yes. My fault for not having the courage to battle through the swim in the LD.  I only managed to do it in the Sprint when Paul swam beside me.

Miri Tri.  This time I had Richard Tang to guide me. His only wish for me was simple.  Just to get through the swim on my own with no one beside me. And I did for both OD and Sprint. Just by following his instructions. Swim non stop for 2km without your feet touching the floor of the pool.  Lucky for me,  the pool that we are using in bukit jalil,  does not let you touch the floor for the whole 50m. When you first jump in, it's already 2 meters.  Then it goes to 3 meters  That's how I eventually got used to the notion of my feet not touching the ground or the floor for the whole swim. THIS is thanks to Hafiz and Gin Hai for fighting for our rights to use that pool.  Also thanks to Saiful for being so patient with me being such a slow swimmer.

Sabah Ultra TMBT.  Of course I wasn't ready for it.  But I already paid. So I went. And tried my level best at a shot of finishing it.  Even though I couldn't run for jack shit. And I'm bragging about that?

Powerman. I only scraped through the 5 hour cut off in the last minutes of 4 hours 57 mins.  THIS ONE YES I AM PROUD of finishing it. For the simple fact that I struggled so hard to maintain running and not walk. Cycling is not my forte. But I will make it soon.

I skipped PBIM and there was flooding in Bangkok so I had that week off as a break.

Then I went to Phuket, dumping ALL my money into the registrations, the hotel, the flight, the car rental, EVERYTHING.  Except travel insurance and medical insurance. And then I crashed in the LPT. I never even took my race pack for the IM70.3.  When you put all your eggs in one basket thinking THIS IS IT. You just need to get through this and you're all sort out for the year.  Then  I crashed and couldn't earn both finishings.  I am bragging about that huh? I am damn proud of that huh?

You know what? Skrew it lah.  I am VERY happy to switch from the running only community to the triathlon community.  The really fast and good triathletes seem to keep quiet and just do their thing.  Showtime is during race day.

I am learning to try and be like that.  I don't need to justify my existence.  You may think I am not worthy just because I don't run as fast as you, but really,  isn't running supposed to be for one own's accomplishment? And why is there SO MUCH politics in the running community. Isn't it supposed to be JUST RUN!???  Not anymore I guess. Now it's allllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll politics and popularity.  I want out.  I will run when I have recovered from these injuries.  But I am running to make it in IMWA. I don't need to run to beat anybody.

Just like what Michelle Looi has advised me, it's time to fix my timing in the short distances so I earn more confidence. And then I will work my way up to fix my marathon timings.  I am very very very grateful for Sifu Richard Tang.  I am also grateful for the real friends who are very objective.  My problem with so and so is my problem with so and so. You don't have to make it your problem.  Unless YOU have a problem with me kan? I'm not asking you to take sides.I am very appreciative of the friends who can look at things objectively and NOT take sides. 

Until today I am also very proud of my bootcamp friends even though I have dropped out of bootcamp.  The ones who don't make any noise, they quietly register and the results show themselves on race day. THOSE are real heroes. Don't need to make so much hooha. They are strong. They know it.

If there's one thing I have learnt from all my triathlon attempts, is that THIS is what I really want. I will never make it to Boston. It's not what I want. But I'm going to go all out and try my level best to make it in WA. Just because I cycled and ran, but if I didn't finish the swim, the whole tri is a DNF. That's the painful thing I learnt from HSBC UK. And that's the number one thing that's spurring me on now. To try my best.  And I wait another 29 days before I get the green light to try and run again.  In the meantime?

Adios Pistachios. Just do what YOU want.