Sepandai-pandainya tupai melumpat, akhirnya jatuh ke tanah juga...

I remember someone saying that, as fast as you rise, you will also crash as fast. I think it's akin to the malay proverb, sepandai-pandainya tupai melumpat, akhirnya jatuh ke tanah juga.  It's been playing alot in my mind in the past few months. When I started the back to back events with the HSBC UK Tri on Sept 18th and the pinnacle was supposed to be the IM70.3 Phuket on Dec 4th, it kinda bugged me, that as fast as I'm rising to be able to do all the things I've only been dreaming or fantasizing about doing, when will everything come to an end?

I fell for the third time today since Phuket.

I scrapped my right knee and right ankle and it's bleeding. I only remember seeing such a thing when Ah Poh lost her balance and she scrapped the wall and her skin just came off, showing her epidermis and she was bleeding. Last saturday when I was out, I forgot about a split level landing, then I lost my balance and fell on my left, spraining my left ankle which was already swollen from Phuket, even further.

Three falls in such a short time.  A friend just told me to check my equilibrium.  Another friend thinks I have vertigo.  The only thing the neurosurgeon explained to me is that the old blood clot is being absorbed and that I will still have the head spinning, losing balance, nausea symptoms because my brain is still misaligned.  I can feel the brain expanding and shrinking as I write this. It's been happening alot. Not just because of the crash. I've been having this for a long time.  Before I went to Phuket, I even had one time where I suddenly broke out in cold sweat, and I knew I had to lie down quick before I faint, then I heard the buzzing sound for a while in my ears, then the cold sweat stopped and I could get up again.  But it only happened once, so I didn't think too much about it.

I'm wondering if the MRI isn't showing more information than it should. I should have asked the doctor which lobe is being affected.  This is too much. Constantly losing balance, constantly having head and vision spinning, constantly forgetting what I just did, or said or supposed to do.  It's too much.  It's like my mind or memory is working in frames. Awhile I remember. Then I forget.  I even slur in my speech. Or mix up words while talking.  The only thing that's still working okay is when I type.  It takes alot of effort to type but I feel more balanced typing than talking.

Please. Stop.