When Dreams Come Crashing Down

The race is over. I've come home.

There is no easier way for me to admit this.  Technically I had DNF-ed the race.  Why?

Because of my swim.


The swim course is marked as a rectangular shape route with 6 buoys. I'm supposed to swim 2 laps of that rectangle. I only managed to complete 1 lap. See those little white dots on the left pontoon? That's us. One of them is me. Hanging on to the pontoon for dear life.

What was the problem with my swim? Well.  Alot. Firstly, I only got my wetsuit an hour before start time on race day.  Secondly, I only got to "acclimatise" myself to the cold waters about 10mins before start time. Basu said the water temp that morning was 9degrees. Even he found it exceptionally cold. And he is the one who walks around without a jacket and in shorts.

Ideally, I should have gotten my wetsuit much earlier and practiced in them.

But we don't live in an ideal world.

Even if I had gotten my wetsuit earlier, there was nowhere to practice. Lake Dorney was only open for swimming on race day. On other days it is for rowing.  The nearest other lake was Taplow but it was closed for the week when we were there. The only option I had left was to tough it out on race day.

So I tried.

Right from the flag off,  I had trouble with my breathing rhythm. The wetsuit felt tight and restrictive. I couldn't really breathe well. By the time I finished just that one lap, I had developed a headache on the right side of my head. So I headed straight for the arch to take a breather. I thought I could go back in the water after taking a breather.

THAT turned out to be big ass mistake number 1.

They pulled me out and asked me why, so I told them that I couldn't breathe.  It was my first time in a wetsuit and I'm not used to it nor the cold water.  They immediately took me into the ambulance van.  They took my pulse and said it was too high.   I told them I needed to continue.  They said no. They wouldn't let me go just yet. I started crying.

Big ass mistake number 2.

Because I started crying, that gave them even more reason to hold me in the van. The medic lady kept on repeating that I don't need to do this. I don't need to finish it just because of my team or anyone.  I'm like... I'm doing this for myself.  Finally when I showed that I was coherent and that I know what I was doing, that they let me go.

As I had already come out of the water, I can only continue with the bike and run.

I finished the required 8 loops of cycle for 40km in 1 hour 32 mins.

I finished the required 4 loops of running for 10km in 1 hour 1 min.

When the official results came out, I saw that they omitted my cycle timing. I already had to leave the UK,  I can only bring this up with the committee when I return to work tomorrow. It's not fair that I cycled 8 laps for no timing.

At the airport I cried. In the plane I cried. I had cried so much and so hard,  that I developed a really bad migraine and puked three times during the journey.

It's not going to be easy for me to accept that I'm a DNF just because of that one lap in the swim. I had finished everything else. I'm quite happy with my run timing, considering I had swum and cycled beforehand. But rules are rules. This is going to haunt me for a few more days. At least until Desaru this weekend. Where I will try to redeem myself. 

May God give me strength. See you all there.