This may be my last

As most of you know by now,  I didn't finish the LPT as I crashed in the bike leg.  All I remember,  was that the swimming was damn tough,  for the reason that the buoys were spread very far apart and there was nothing in between.   This was nothing like Uncle Chan's or Miri's triathlons where you are so pampered with so many buoys so all you have to do is breathe on the right or left and there's always a buoy to sight.  In the LPT, there were only like 6 buoys in the sea and another 3 in the lake.  You had to sight often.  And this is where yours truly wasted alot of time sighting,  especially since the sun was directly in our eyes!

I got through the swim within the cut off time.  And I thought I was safe already.  I've always spent alot of time swimming as I thought that was what I needed most work on.   Little did I know what Phuket had in store for me.  The cycling leg is known to be tough and hilly.  But I really didn't expect to lose control and crash head on into a divider/road barrier thing.  I remember the marshalls shouting for me to slow down, and I remember shouting back that I am trying.   But the brakes that I pressed weren't slowing down the bike at all.  They were still spinning fast.  I remember hitting the rail/divider, flipping over and then I completely lost consciousness.  When I woke up, I was already in the hospital and the doctor was sewing my leg.  I had a neck brace on.  But I kept fidgeting with it. I didn't understand what just happened.  I thought it was all a dream.

Then I lost consciousness again.

The next time I woke up, they had transferred me to another room.  There I waited for Ben, Syerol and Helmy to arrive. I just wanted out. I know I didn't want to stay in the hospital.   I saw my things on the floor. But I didn't realise what were stolen until much later.  I don't know for how many hours I was unconscious for,  since the time I crashed and transported to hospital.  But someone helped himself to my things.  My Garmin 310xt, my sunglasses, my two water bottles, and all the nutrition were missing.   Maybe they are strewn all over the crash site,  as I haven't gone back to the crash site,  but for sure someone unstrapped my Garmin as that won't simply come off.  You would have to unstrap it from me. I also learnt from Roman that where I crashed was actually a cliff.  I don't remember seeing a cliff at all.

Anyway,  I am very fortunate that these guys came.  When I told the doctor I wanted to discharge and then the clerk gave the bill,   holy macaroni it was MYR4,900 just for that how many hours!  I just wanted out.  I cannot afford to incur an even higher bill.

The doctor wanted me to stay in hospital overnight for observation.  He said I just had 27 stitches and I have a blood clot in my brain.   I only know that when I get up, I seem to lose balance and fall over the other side easily.  When I walk, I also lose balance as my right leg can suddenly buckle under me.  When I lie down, if it's pressing the left, for sure my head spins.  I also tend to black out and don't remember what just happened.   But despite all that,  I still harbour hopes of a miracle.  I still want to do the 70.3

I don't expect you to understand why I insists on doing it.   This was supposed to be the finale of the year.  I've already been robbed of the LPT finisher medal.   It will kill me to stand on the sidelines and just watch others get what I should be earning too.

To the one who just can't find it in his heart to be nice to me, but instead always wish better things for other people at the expense of my misfortune,  just know that I don't harbour hatred towards you.  I wish you could be the bigger person and just be nice to me,  something that is difficult for you to do.  But it's okay.  Maybe someday you can finally find it in your heart.

To the other one who seem to find it funny to make cycling jokes,  well.  It's your prerogative.  I don't find it funny at all.   I think only when one is put through this kind of suffering will the person understand what it means to have the bigger heart.

I wish things would be different. But this is the path I will follow. This may be the very last thing I write.  I'm still going for it. It's what I want. If my brain cannot take it, and I died.  Just know that it is my wish.

You guys take care of yourselves.  Follow your dreams.  Don't let anything hold you back.  God bless.